I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
