Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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