he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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