I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out mid-signature
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize