I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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