Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
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