I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
