Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
