i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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