I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
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