I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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