I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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