just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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