Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
