she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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