dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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