My brain says no but my pants say off.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
