I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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