You're completely useless in the revolution.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
