So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
