He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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