some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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