Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
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and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
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You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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