What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
