My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize