I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
bring money and cleavage
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
