I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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