Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
