I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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