guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
