Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
not ubering you a puppy
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
