just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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