Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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