What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
