i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
