if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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