operation have a gay friend backfired
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
