I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
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but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
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I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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