Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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