Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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