when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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