Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
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Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
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Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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