my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
