oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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