Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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