I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
