Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Randomize
