i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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