Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
