i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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