i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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