Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
you made out with another girl for some wings
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
