Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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