We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
