If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
