The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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