Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
