hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
