DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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