Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Barsexuality is the new black.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
