Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
