On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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