Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
