and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
