your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
