life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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