Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
