I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
