She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
