Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
we're so committed to being not committed
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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