im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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